numbering my days

I will quite literally do anything but write my take home finals right now. I am feeling 17 too many things, and have a lot of loose ends I need to tie up. 3 of those loose ends are those finals. but the others are friendships that i want to leave well and not lose. little pieces of life that i want to re-experience and then turn the page. sentimentally and regretfully looking back on the year and what i know i could have done differently, and choosing not to stay there mentally. moving forward. writing about research methodologies, memorizing physics equations, stuff stuff cram cram goodbye. i am not good at packing up my life and my heart into suitcases, and as much as i am looking forward to being home, this weeklong eternity of saying goodbye to the freshmen i've been pouring my life into and senior friends that i'll never really be able to share life with in the same way ever again is bitter-tasting. this year was stretching and painful. i am thankful for every second of it. but now i am tired. [i did the best i could this year. i will choose to make the next 3 seconds a better choice.]