blahhhh

it's been a while. I haven't exercised my writing muscles in a while, in journaling, letter-writing, or blogging....it makes me feel dead.
Summer's here, so is my first sunburn. I can;t trust anything to protect me. Loving friends may vigorously rub spf 50 into my back, but it won't save my vampire-pale skin from crisping nicely within the first half-hour of seeing daylight. stupid epidermis. now shirts and bras and hugs HURT. So does slouching against the back of this giant armchair.
i'm not really sure what i'm supposed to be doing with my life right now, because I'm stuck in this Twilight Zone of 13th grade without any advice on how to approach it, and a lisence and a car and not a lot of places to go. I suppose I'll have to be creative, and find friends that don't have ridiculous schedules. God and I are nowhere, and it's like I keep peeking into my life and saying "oh drat where did I put you?" Ughhhh i don't know what's wrong with me sometimes.
I'm really tired all the time. I'm super lazy, it's hot outside, and I don't have very much to do. I do house-y projects, go out with people sometimes, do church things, read, facebook, listen to music, empty the dishwasher and think about college and wish I had a nice job so I could buy a car or go to France or buy a kayak. I read the newspaper, let my puppy chew me, drive around doing odd jobs to kill time, text and watch iCarly and phineas and ferb and sonny with a chance. It's just therapy now that house and chuck and glee are done. I forgot what summer feels like. It's really nice and annoying at the same time. nice because I'm not stressed. annoying because I'm not stressed.
let me explain. I can enjoy chilling for a few days. then I'm always the first person to sit up and say OH MY LANDS I NEED SOMETHING TO DO. I like menial tasks because I like keeping my hands busy and generally feeling useful and productive. I like having someone tell me exactly what to do, finishing it and feeling accomplished. I don't like sitting around. Vacations have purpose because you know where you're going, etc.
Said laziness keeps getting in the way too, because when it's left up to me how to spend my time, I waste it...and feel like a bum.
But in a little bit, I'll get caught up in VBS stress, Harvey Cedars excitement, VBS stressing even more, then pre-college excitement. It'll be fun.
And I still really want a car and a kayak.