God answered my prayer in my previous post so quickly that it feels a bit foreign to reread.
I went home for Faith's funeral. It was heartbreaking, but also healing. Heartbreaking to see my friend grapple with his sister's death, heartbreaking to offer nothing but my presence and a few hugs. But it was healing to sit with estranged ex-church members, old high school friends, my youth group pastor and other people I consider part of my family back home, and worship with them, and remember Faith, and to love each other in our helplessness. To feel my bitter heart open up like a flower in the sun, open to God and His presence in a way I had not notices I was closed off from. To drive back home wordlessly with my brother and think about what really mattered most.
God and people.
Guys, that is IT. It always is, and was, and will be forever until God brings His kingdom back.
As I brushed my teeth, filled up my water bottle in a rest stop, put on shoes or hugged a friend, that's all that I could think about. All my petty obsessions with happiness in its many forms; my futile chasing after jobs, cities or lifestyles that will fulfill me. I don't want that anymore. I really don't! I just want God and people! That's it!
I've hit a dead end, because I can't say anything other than that.
I love you all. You are what matters.
xoxo Jo
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