Some verbal processing...you're welcome

Heat headaches are the worst.
No motivation to do any work at all right now. I think I just did prettttty much everything else I could have done that needed to be done in my life that wasn't homework. Now I have to. This is real life.
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I've been on duty all weekend and it's put me in a sour mood. That and because people I respect keep telling me I shouldn't close myself off from dating. Sure, there are guys on campus I'm definitely interested in. But I'm happy. And for me right now, I feel like a relationship is the last thing I want. I guess it's a mixture of there's nobody seriously in my life right now who's interested, but also that I'm kind of...content.
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And I'm not mad that nobody's interested. It's just that a Relationship with a capital R sounds...absolutely exhausting. And a secret just between you and me, readers...I feel like if the Next Guy isn't The Guy For the Rest of My Life then I will just be super disappointed. Like, "damn, I just did that whole get-to-know-your-soul and then the heart-shattering-and-reconstructing thing...do I really have to do that a freakin SECOND time?" I could do it, because I serve and love a restorative God, but the sheer idea of it right now sounds mega unappealing.
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So why does that bother me? I guess it makes me doubt myself. Like underneath this peace from God is a wealth of secret insecurity that all women have until it magically disappears when they get married? I don't get it. Or that ten years from now, I'll look at Facebook pictures of some guy I had a semi-crush on this year and cry softly over pictures of him, his wife and their newborn baby as I drink half a box of cheap wine and listen to Simon and Garfunkel alone in my apartment? Am I really closed off? Is my contentedness a giant wall between me and some hypothetical guy?
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My policy is if anyone asks me to go out for a meal or something, I will say yes as long as he's not a morally out of line person. Every guy deserves a chance or two, that's just dignity, plus I'm curious. It's hard to ask a girl out, even if it's just a chill get-to-know-you lunch between classes. So I'm not closed off. Right?
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Right. I'm not closed off. Thanks for listening.