Saturday, March 8

make me broader

"You're going to find joy again."

Relief feels like grace feels like joy. Seriously.

I mean, how else would I be able to explain to you what it's like to be showered with undeserved, unexpected, unmerited grace? I began 2014 with the conviction to maximize my circumstances: "if everything around me stayed the same until my life was over, what opportunities would I have wasted, relationships disregarded, moments bypassed?" And then 3 job interviews, 2 craigslist roommates and 1 move changed those circumstances! One very quick month later, and I'm in Brooklyn now (WHAT?) and I work for a nonprofit foundation in their communications department (WHAT?). I could write a longer list of my post-graduate life wishlist just to prove to you how beautiful it is to let go of idols, because sometimes they can come back to you as gifts when you least expect it.

It's been a month of adventures, but mostly a month of feeling like I'm actually where I'm supposed to be for the first time in a very, very long time. Maybe it's having this internship, or maybe it's just New York drawing me back home like a magnet after many years away. It's strange to not have a shadow of melancholy following me around...I'm almost guilty about being so happy! (ALMOST. Mostly just delightfully surprised.) And the loveliest part: knowing God was the same God this month and in the ickiness of last fall. Same love, same guidance, same protection, same fierce jealousy. Same incredible story of creation's redemption and my thread in the tapestry.

I'm thinking of the Limberlost book, where Elnora's mother is overcome with the glory of God and shouts, "Help me to unshackle and expand my soul to the fullest realization of Your wonders. Almighty God, make me bigger, make me broader!” That's what I want this spring, and for the rest of my life: a constant deepening and series of surprises that fill me with wonder. Spilling over and spreading joy to anyone whose lives I touch, not because I can create any patch of light within my own darkness all by myself to share, but because I belong to the one who gives...and gives...and gives...and gives. To share even the tiniest portion of the grace I am given.

I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.

Make me broader. Amen!

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