confessions of a slug, and farewell for now

It's been 8 days since Elia got married.
Since then, I've basically turned into a slug.


I just found this picture when I googled slug pictures. 
Also note: never google slug pictures.


So I'm a slug. A slug who has forced herself to go out into bright sunlight once in a while. A slug who is tired all the time and just eats and eats. I keep saying that tomorrow, I'll read, I'll do something for my family, I'll call that person, I'll hang out with that person. I look around at the piles of college things that I need to sort through and cry on the inside. soooooo muuuucccchhhh stuffff to do.

This is called postgraduate syndrome. It is a loud, glorious crash. It involves me gleefully giggling whenever I hear my brothers going to school. I don't have to do that anymore, neener neener neener. So I go back to sleep. And sleep and sleep and sleep.

But now. The job of my dreams waits promisingly for me. I start tomorrow. I have towels, bug spray and Crocs in a suitcase beside me. (The Crocs are especially embarrassing. I bought them at Walmart today and now I hate myself.) I'm thinking about all the lifeguarding and CPR classes I'm about to take. I'm trying to reach back to 7 years ago, which was the last time I went to camp, and try to remember what I packed then. I think 13-year-old me was a lot more paranoid, because I only remember that I packed a rain poncho and a pack of Uno cards, neither of which I used.

Also wondering who my co-counselor will be, who my girls will be, who my new close friends will be. I know I'm going to have to start waking up at 7 every morning. Wearing Crocs. Eating camp food. Wearing Crocs (did I mention that already?). I am soooooooooo not ready! I hear in the back of my head, "if only I had another week." That would be so great. A week to get out of my postgrad funk and get pumped for camp.

But then I think of my lead counselor, who will be heading straight to training after a missions trip to South Africa. Talk about draining! She never got to crash.
And I think about all the kids who will be in my life this summer. No amount of prep work could prepare me to love them. That's God's job, to be done in me. An extra week of laziness can't possibly prepare my heart for this summer.

So tonight I will load my sleeping bag, mandolin and stationary into Vanessa, my van. And tomorrow I will wake up REALLY EARLY (like, 8am), treat myself to some motivational iced coffee and point my GPS back to good ol' PA, to go learn how to love people and swat mosquitoes. And also learn how to treat a snakebite. I am going to sit my whiny tush down in that car seat and force my tired self to drive into this new chapter of my life, because if I don't, I think I'll sit here for another four months staring at Pinterest and wondering if I'll ever do something with my life.

I don't want that to be me...but for the grace of God, I would be. He chose instead to give me a passion for mentoring younger women and then gave me the perfect job to do just that. Then he gave me a lovely few weeks of being with family and friends, and relaxing. And now I'm about to go on an adventure pretty much in spite of myself.

So I'm going to go get on that right now. I will be far, far away from things like the internet, the real world, cell phone reception, power outlets, and things other than trees. So this blog will be noticeably dormant, except for my off days and my precious minutes on the staff computer. You can write me, though, at Mont Lawn Camp, attn: Joanna Rutter, RR2 2004, Bushkill PA, 18324. I love letters very much and so yup you should write to me.

And pray. Please, please pray. I am very naively standing on the brink of one of the coolest and hardest things I have ever done, and I feel very much in need of a God bigger than I am. Which is AWESOME but also still a bit scary so prayer would be great.

Here are some adventure memes that make my blog so much less pretty and serious than it usually is but who cares because I'm a camp counselor now and being dorky is the new cool. Or so I'm telling myself.

Much love
xoxo Jo