me again

I don't know what it tells you about me, if I told you that today I slept in, worked out, watched Pretty in Pink and High Fidelity, missed dinner, drank shamrock shakes and listened to some good music, and shot rubber bands at mousetraps...and I feel more alive and myself than I have in a good month or so, like I belong in my own body again.

I guess some of my favorite things are being real with people, lifting someone up when they seem like they could use it, and sitting alone in my room watching movies and drinking apple juice. So that's probably why it was a good day.

Also, because I noticed today that I am so thankful to be here, at Grove City College, thankful for my friends, thankful to sing the doxology at the end of a coffee concert, thankful to have a friend visit because she wanted prayer, thankful to swap cutting victory stories, thankful for barbershop quartets, thankful to be an RA. I'm thankful for this community. And I realized today how much I take it for granted, and how much I will miss it next year.

So, I'm thankful to be myself again. I'm not sure if it was the midterms or the job apps or both, but now that they're all turned in, all I can do is wait for the grades and the emails and trust God with both. That whole trusting thing? Making more sense day by day. And as I wait, I feel him once again, for the thousandth time, pry my control from out of my hands, leaving me relieved and more in love with him than ever.

Jesus: these next few months are yours, and the rest of my life is yours. Take me and my mess, and do something. Amen.