So I went kayaking yesterday, which is just about the best thing I can say to begin this. Anybody who knows me knows I'm absolutely wild for kayaks. I hoped to see a manatee, but I think they could smell me out as a Yankee and stayed clear.
I'm in Vero Beach staying with my grandparents. Mimi and Ted are the best sort of people to be around. They ask hard questions, make great jokes, and have a lot of beautiful people in their lives because of how they live for others. I am very thankful for them. They run a residential Christian counseling center for women, and I've spent time there helping out in the office. I don't feel like an outsider at the Refuge at all. As soon as someone finds out Mimi and Ted are my grandparents, they smile and nod and tell me how lucky I am. I know I am. And then I'm a part of the Refuge family.
What else did I do...I went to a fancy dinner party and felt grown up. I listened to their pastor speak at a Bible study on shame and God told me about my icky heart. I walked downtown and looked at art galleries -- all rich people with semi-good oil paintings of mangroves and palm trees -- and sipped very terrible wine. I talked with Mary Katherine, who I am vaguely related to, and enjoyed her refreshing openness. It's been extremely beautiful, warm, sunny, and of course I don't want to come back at all.
But I do have a lot to look forward to. Next semester, being a better RA, finishing well, caring about the friends that matter, not being in the Little Theater all the time. Not to mention Elia asked me to be her maid of honor! I'm heading down to her house in a week to do some planning. I am beyond excited. I love doing little nitpicky planning things, and taking the stress off of her a bit. And it touched me as well..I don't have sisters, and all my cousins live far away. Being in her wedding will feel very special.
So I'm waiting to hear back from jobs and such things now. What an awkward waiting period. Religiously checking my email, feeling dumb, not checking it, then going back because maybe if I refresh the page I'll all the sudden become incredibly qualified and eligible for all these jobs I keep applying for because...well...it's that time of my life I guess. Mimi and I decided to call it the second puberty: going from adolescence to young adulthood. And it usually happens from your senior year in college (or the first time you disagree with your parents in college on something huge) until you are financially supporting yourself. Most people try to either extend it as long as possible or keep it as short and quick as they can.
I'm in the quick category. My counselor at school tells me I don't give myself the grace to allow things in my life to be undecided, or something like that. I like resolution and closure. I do terribly with transitions, especially long ones like this. Holy hell, am I ever bad at it. But it is an awkward stage of life and I think we all are pretty terrible at being baby adults, so that's a comfort.
Clumsily growing up. Sounds attractive. It's my life. It's probably yours too. It'll be ok. I'm even probably going to write a book on it, seeing as my first novel was about adolescence. So you'll have that. And you also have a kind and gentle God, who is in the business of growing people up in His perfect timing. Thankfully.
xoxo Jo