uneasy

I feel uneasy about Pentecostaly things.

Let me clarify.I have some sort of deep-seated, subconscious mistrust of a wilder spirituality. "Baptized in the Spirit" sounds very strange. And anyone who breaks a worship sound barrier by yelling/dancing/rocking back and forth/screaming/not speaking English makes me cringe. Phrases like "intentional community" or "casting out sicknesses"...

well, I was never given the kind of language to respond to that.
I feel awkward. Stiffen.
Oh, I try to understand. But I cannot block out my burning question-

IS THAT REAL?

I am sitting here in this church worshiping the same God as you. We live in the same culture. We have the same Bible.So why do we worship so differently?

There is a secret, terrible voice that tells me I am better than this person because I am not disturbing the other people around me.
There is another deep jealousy that they have a connection that I somehow missed out on.
There is an obvious annoyance at being pulled out of my own internal Christian-ness and into someone else's heart - loud, strange, uncomfortable.

I tug on God's sweater (because...God wears sweaters) to ask Him, hey, is that what I'm supposed to have?
And He smiles.
LET YOURSELF LOVE ME.

God works on us each as we need to be worked on. God speaks our language. He helps us be able to love Him back. And I figure some people need to be loud. Some people need to dance or yell.

It's hard to be ok with that, especially when I meet someone Pentecostaly and all I hear is FAKE FAKE THIS PERSON IS JUST PUTTING ON A SHOW FOR ATTENTION I WILL NOT LISTEN TO THEM.

Jesus has an effect on everyone He heals. Some people shouted and screamed and followed Him on his Awesome 100% Fresh Pharisee Smashing Tour (That is in Luke somewhere). And some people went back to their communities, resumed their lives as transformed people. I think that's still true today.

What makes it awkward is the clash of quiet vs loud, reserved vs wild, and most often culture vs culture.

So go for it, Mrs Crazy Pentecostal. I need to feel a little uncomfortable.
And I need to love Him and you a lot better.

How about you - which camp are you in, and what is God trying to teach you about the other?

Thanksgiving/christmas reading

These are all books I have read dearly. The books I take on beach vacations and scary adventures like college. These are books I know inside and out. Reading them, you might as well be reading the paper-crinkly, yellowed-inky fabric of my soul. So I highly recommend them :) PS most of them are kids' books.
The Ramsay Scallop
The True Confession of Charlotte Doyle
I Capture the Castle
Many Waters
Harry Potter
Rose in Bloom
A Girl of the Limberlost
Jo's Boys
Firesong
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Artemis Fowl
Queen's Own Fool
Little Women
The Hidden Hand

Me right now

Current color: Red.
Current playlist: She & Him's christmas album (yeahhh) and covers of Disney's cartoon Robin Hood.
Current read: you're kidding, right?
Current excitement: Going home tomorrow.
Current mood: totally tired. and really spacey.
Current food: the junky kind. and this stuff.
Current favorite show: Chuck, Cam and I watch it together :)
Current wish list: Things with feathers on them, chocolate, functional shoes.
Current needs: a chiropractor. and a good night's sleep.
Current bane of my existence: the 6-hour drive between me and home.
Current indulgence: the junk food.
Current blessing: My RA staff sitting with me. We're watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
Current outfit: leggings, sweats over those. a shirt i designed myself. fleece pullover.
Current celebrity crush: Ryan Gosling, because of this blog.
Current triumphs: almost done with my first semester, not failing any classes, and got a lot of work and room checks out of the way. OH and my paper on gay marriage rights, you know the one that almost killed me, well it's done.
Current link: I can smell his face.