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I went to an Ascend the Hill concert the other night. If you don't listen to them, you should. My friend Kevin captured them with this phrase: "their music just fills everything." It's a very all-encompassing noise. It feels like you are listening to the heart of God. The concert was somewhere in South Jersey in a tiny church off of this back road. There were maybe twenty other Christian hipsters there. We just chilled and listened. It really frustrated me that I was so exhausted, because I was having trouble paying attention and listening to what I felt God was trying to say to me. I kept grasping at something and kept losing hold of it. I gave up eventually. I kept slipping in and out of sleep, just sitting there on a pew in the dark. The music was beautiful.

Last night I was watching The Young Victoria. There's this one scene the day after Victoria and her man (I forgot his name!) are married. He turns her and says, "hello, wife." I started crying. It was very weird. I'm not sure what about that touched me. I turned the movie off.

I cooked with my mother today. I learned to make a roux and failed at biscuits. I also went on a walk with my brother Elijah. He was very talkative. I've been generally enjoying the peace. I forgot how quiet my house can be sometimes, so I put on music so I don't get creeped out. It was so weird to take a bath, too. And to eat cereal.

Til later.

i'm home on break and i'm relearning the art of breathing.

I reached the end of my rope on Friday. I always think I have enough metaphorical rope until one day I wake up and say OMG WHERE'S MY ROPE and that is what happened when I woke up on Friday morning. In hindsight, chugging an Amp, watching the midnight showing of HP7, staring at my ceiling wondering why I can't go to sleep, having weird dreams about my girlfriends shaving their heads and becoming monks and rolling out of bed to finish a paper the next morning was not on my list of best choices I have made. Well, deathly hallows was. Friggin sweet. But I was beyond tired. I just....had run out. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. I just couldn't function.

I kind of still can't. I went walking around my old stomping grounds today, got some Chick-fil-A and watched TV for the first time in lordy knows when. I haven't been able to string together a sentence. I am still processing this whole semester...new people, new rhythm, new system, new...newness. The connection between my brain and my heart has slowed down. When I can string together some words for you to read, I will. until then, I'm just going to keep watching Chuck and Outsourced and sleep, therapy-style.

Oh, and this is a picture of me from the musical I was in last week. You know, that obscure 60's musical I was in that consumed my life and ate my grades. I was the tattooed lady.


Til later. <3