a little sumtin' sumtin'

hi everybody! my brain is dead and i'll talk later. i had to write an OpEd piece for Quo Vadis and thought I'd post it to hold you over until i post something amesomeful.

by the way, I'm listening to the glee version of "gold digger." this song brings joy to my heart. you should listen to it.

I'm tired of hearing from my friends about how guys are to blame for bad romantic relationships. As much as I'd like to say that it's all guys' fault, I admit that we girls can seriously mess things up, too. We do a few things to the poor guys in our lives that can hurt, confuse, or just plain frustrate them.
First off: we overanalyze! We pick apart a three-word text like it holds the secrets of the entire Guy Universe, when guys usually mean things at face value. "How are you" probably means that he wants to know how you're doing. There's no need to read into it too much.
Also, it's really not nice to a guy to subtly hint at something and expect him to pick up on it. It makes guys feel frustrated when they are trying to be kind to you and they have no idea what you want from them. I think it's best to be direct about your wishes so that a guy will understand what your expectations are.
Our expectations can be dangerous to our relationships if we're not careful. We can have an extreme standard of male perfection in our mind and measure each guy in our lives by it, rejecting each one that doesn't meet our requirements. Or we can go to the opposite end of the spectrum by chasing the "bad boys" or very needy or depressed guys. Let's try to remember that there are all sorts of "normal" guys in the world that can offer us love, security and adventure, too.
Even if we are honest, direct and approaching love in a realistic way, we can still mess up relationships very badly by making that special guy the center of your life, seeking his attention for your happiness and getting all of your self-worth from his compliments. What a scary and suffocating responsibility to give to a guy!
I'd encourage you to take a step back and look at whatever relationship you're in, or look at your life as a single person. Do you like yourself? If you're not confident and at peace with yourself when you're alone, that probably won't change when you get into a relationship -- in fact, the only thing that will change is that all the pressure of making sure you feel good about yourself falls on the guy's shoulders. That's not something you'd ever wish upon someone you love.
So let's be clear about our wishes and expectations in relationships, and be willing to raise or lower those when we need to. Let's not suffocate guys by making them the center of our lives.
And girls -- let's like ourselves. Let's not give up on love because of our life situations or past experiences. When we are confident, we are unburdened. We free ourselves to be able to love and be loved fearlessly.
What do you think about the Battle of the Sexes? Who's to blame? We at Quo Vadis DTDTU are interested in knowing. Email us at quovadis_newspaper@hotmail.com Comment!

(NB: I naturally would've had a "to the guys" section but i ran out of room. If I could say it in a sentence, I'd encourage guys to take the initiative in relationships, to make girls feel safe and appreciated, and respect her boundaries.)

kid memories

Remember when you were a kid? And you were stupid? And you feared random things?

I used to be terrified of Peter Pan, who i was pretty sure was living in our bathtub, only at night. When I had to pee at 3 o clock in the morning, I'd very carefully look behind the curtain to make sure he wouldn't jump out and laugh at me as I peed. I even formulated an elaborate escape plan through my window should that happen.

I was terrified of Sully from Monster's Inc. I was so terrified that I slept in Nathan's room on a trundle bed for years. I was actually generally creeped out when it was dark and I was alone. I was pretty sure he lived in my closet.

Remember when you were a kid? And you made up alternate realities?

My friend made up this whole game about this world called Candyland that she had been too, and that Nathan and I could come with her. She said she'd meet me in the backyard at 2 in the morning and she'd take me there. I stayed up until 3 staring out the window, waiting for her to flash her flashlight in the backyard, then got mad at her the next day.

What random crap did you think up when you were a kid?

remember

20 desires

1. I want to be part of a community of Christians, not part of a church. Huge difference. I wonder if it can be made to happen? Or does it not happen when there's only a handful of people who agree with you?
2. I would love to be married...I don't know if I'd want to be married like really young. I know as you go along it gets harder to have kids. Which I have to consider because
3. I want to have kids.
4. I want to live in lots of different places: by the Delaware river, in NYC, in Florida (?), in Austin TX, Seattle, and in places like South Africa and Israel.
5. I want to visit France, hopefully on a missions trip. And Haiti too. I'm actually saving up money to maybe go to Haiti. God said to go make disciples, not to maybe think about it and deliberate and put it on the back burner.
6. I want to run a shop...like a coffee shop that has open mic poetry and indie bands, and shelves of books, and soon-to-be famous writers crash on the couches in the back to type. If i realize I don't know the first thing about coffee, then it would just be a bookstore with the above. Or maybe a teahouse.
7. I want to have an awesome college experience...I want to make and lose friends, win and fail, laugh and cry. Etc.
8. i want to write a book. really bad.
9. I want to go on a pilgrimage, just to hear what God might have to say to me on one. maybe kayaking or hiking or biking somewhere.
10. I forgot to say I want a kayak...
11. i would like to be able to grow out my hair really long again. The last time it was long, I was 13 and didn't know how to take care of it, not to mention i was kind of a feminist back then. Now I think i might be able to tend and apreciate long hair.
12. I've always been interested in youth ministry. I'd love to help out with whatever churches I end up at.
13. I forgot to say I really want to visit ireland. That would be a kickashtray place to do a pilgrimage, too.
14. I really want to go to a Ren fair. in costume.
15. I want a Jeep, really badly. And I'd put obscure bands' stickers and spunky anti-Liberal quips and cheesy Jesus fish all over the back of it. I saw a neon green one for sale once and I was sad when Mama said no.
16. I'd love to be strong, physically.
17. I'd love to put out a literary magazines for and by high school students. So much emotion and poetry and prose flow through adolescence... how cool would it be if I could bottle it up and share it with their peers? It could be used in classrooms. Etc.
18. I'd like to find a pair of pants that fit me, for once. I'm interestingly proportioned.
19. I'd like to be a part of a theater troupe or major play. Just to be on a stage for a while, part of a crazy family, you know?
20. I'd like to master Rachmaninov's Etudes-Tableaux No 14 Op 39. i've been working on it since fall 2008. i almost got it, put it aside, came back, put it aside, forgot about it...I've never been able to get it to the point of being finished. I really want to be able to play it.

What do you wish for?