by the way, I'm listening to the glee version of "gold digger." this song brings joy to my heart. you should listen to it.
I'm tired of hearing from my friends about how guys are to blame for bad romantic relationships. As much as I'd like to say that it's all guys' fault, I admit that we girls can seriously mess things up, too. We do a few things to the poor guys in our lives that can hurt, confuse, or just plain frustrate them.
First off: we overanalyze! We pick apart a three-word text like it holds the secrets of the entire Guy Universe, when guys usually mean things at face value. "How are you" probably means that he wants to know how you're doing. There's no need to read into it too much.
Also, it's really not nice to a guy to subtly hint at something and expect him to pick up on it. It makes guys feel frustrated when they are trying to be kind to you and they have no idea what you want from them. I think it's best to be direct about your wishes so that a guy will understand what your expectations are.
Our expectations can be dangerous to our relationships if we're not careful. We can have an extreme standard of male perfection in our mind and measure each guy in our lives by it, rejecting each one that doesn't meet our requirements. Or we can go to the opposite end of the spectrum by chasing the "bad boys" or very needy or depressed guys. Let's try to remember that there are all sorts of "normal" guys in the world that can offer us love, security and adventure, too.
Even if we are honest, direct and approaching love in a realistic way, we can still mess up relationships very badly by making that special guy the center of your life, seeking his attention for your happiness and getting all of your self-worth from his compliments. What a scary and suffocating responsibility to give to a guy!
I'd encourage you to take a step back and look at whatever relationship you're in, or look at your life as a single person. Do you like yourself? If you're not confident and at peace with yourself when you're alone, that probably won't change when you get into a relationship -- in fact, the only thing that will change is that all the pressure of making sure you feel good about yourself falls on the guy's shoulders. That's not something you'd ever wish upon someone you love.
So let's be clear about our wishes and expectations in relationships, and be willing to raise or lower those when we need to. Let's not suffocate guys by making them the center of our lives.
And girls -- let's like ourselves. Let's not give up on love because of our life situations or past experiences. When we are confident, we are unburdened. We free ourselves to be able to love and be loved fearlessly.
What do you think about the Battle of the Sexes? Who's to blame? We at
(NB: I naturally would've had a "to the guys" section but i ran out of room. If I could say it in a sentence, I'd encourage guys to take the initiative in relationships, to make girls feel safe and appreciated, and respect her boundaries.)
Relevant: http://www.unige.ch/~gander/california/relation.html
ReplyDeleteI agree. You girls overanalyse, expect too much, are far too clingy, and frankly, you don't need pillows to smother people. I denounce your sex. I shall go live a long and happy life as a bachelor. And it will be long. Ever wonder why the man dies before the woman so often? Men are on the receiving end of your nitpicky strangulation.
Okay, now that I've wholeheartedly agreed with you... :D I'm just kidding. I'm not about to condemn females on general principles.
That would be dangerous.
:D
Okay, so maybe girls overanalyse. It's certainly more time-consuming than under-analysing, but trust me... as much as you overanalyse, guys probably under-analyse. Me... you've really got to hit me over the head with something heavy before trying to explain to me anything without a reference manual. Of course, being a guy I don't use the manual anyway, but having it makes me feel better inside. In fact, if the reference manual is heavy, you could hit guys with that. Guys love efficiency. The more efficient a woman is, the more quickly she can have a sandwich in front of you. :D
We kind of expect unfair things too. Isn't half the fashion industry built off of male expectations? (Well, there are notable exceptions, such as country singers and myself, who really don't give a darn whether it's a thousand dollar gown or an old T-shirt and jeans.) We're all of us living in a movie-star ideal mindset. Guys had better be tough, "bad", sweet, smart, witty, good-looking, and with hair that stays styled despite the lack of hair gel in the thick of a war zone. On the flip side, women had better be knockouts, sassy but romantic, able to shoot 9mm handguns (okay, this is mostly a country boy thing), smart but not too smart, and did I mention that they must be knockouts? Guys have unfair standards too.
I'm not sure how often this happens, but guys can use girls for their self-worth too. Though generally it's more of a status symbol thing. "Check it. I've got this smokin' girlfriend; therefore I am top of the heap." To which I would reply, "Positively bourgeois, sir! Good day!" Then I would quietly leave while they tried to figure out what "bourgeois" meant. Good point, though. Frankly, being the Compliment Fish being pushed onto the Self-Worth Hook is not a good feeling. True advice. It's not necessarily that guys like girls who don't need them; it's that guys like girls who don't NEED them. There are certain circumstances under which clinginess is advised for the furtherance of a healthy relationship:
1. Having just barely escaped from a dragon's lair. Clinging makes the noble rescuer feel like it was worth it, and he is more likely to come back and do it again next time you happen to be in a dragon's lair.
2. Having just killed several dozen bad guys in order to rescue you, and also having walked over broken glass, taken several bullets, and faced death no less than three times. This is right about when the guy is going to look for some clinging. Remember girls, he'll likely have taken several blows to the back and ribcage. Please watch for bruises.
3. While demonstrating the power of static cling.
4. While watching Star Trek and the Klingons' war fleet appears out of nowhere.
Note these circumstances well. Not a bad idea to print out this list and carry it with you at all times, really.
Thus ends my rebuttal. Opposition gets two minutes to do their makeup and eight minutes to present a counter-argument.
And in closing, I must say again... an anvil may not be out of the question for dropping upon the male cranium.