The idea of having children, not in a technical way but just...the whole idea, fascinates me. To bring into the world something that is from myself...to be part of this grand old system our creator thought up. It's fills me with a sense of purpose to even consider it.
I don't know about other girls, but for me, my purpose in the large sense of things seems smaller than a man's. His is to lead, guide, suffer, fight, etc. - ours is to love and protect and have children. It seems kind of anticlimactic.
But is it really? Is motherhood such a dead-end job?
I used to hate children. I used to hate marriage and men and love. I have no problem admitting that. My friends called me a little feminist.
But now....i don't know. The word beautiful doesn't cover motherhood. Is loving and guiding and teaching such a horrible thing? I think motherhood is one of the most complicated, suffering, heart-breaking, never-ending jobs in the world. Which is why I will try.
I feel a bit strange talking about this, I mean, I'm only 15, aren't I a bit young to be thinking about having kids?
A close friend of mine recently told me that now, while I am still young, is the time to sort out what I believe about marriage and children, because those ideas will truly shape the decisions I make in my future life. There's a whole bunch of truth in that.
[I hate preaching, but sometimes it's completely unavoidable. If you can't handle it, go read Vogue or Twilight or something.]
**BEGIN SERMON.**
This is why I am protecting myself now.
A funny thing happened a week ago. When I told my mother I slightly liked a boy in a non-frightening, non-stalker-y, non-crushed way, she immediately ordered me a book on emotional purity. A strange phrase indeed, and it did make me roll my eyes.
But I had the good fortune of getting over myself enough to pick it up.
I am a changed person.
Emotional purity, by my definition/paraphrase, is making sure you don't get in too deep with a guy emotionally without understanding his intentions first. I've had situations where I was not sure whether or not a guy was interested in me, and *slightly* fell for him, then was crushed when I found out he wasn't interested in me in that way. Also, I've had wonderful relationships where it's quite obvious "we're just friends" is our motto. And it's a beautiful thing.
So all that crap about "staying pure" isn't just about your body, but mostly about your heart. It's not a case of waiting til marriage, but a consideration of the other person's future spouse as well. "Would his future wife be happy that I told him this?" is usually a good question to ask yourself.
**PREACHING OVER.**
Thank you for living through that. I just had to get that off my chest.
Oh wait. This entry is way too long. I'll just post more in a sec, I hate long blog entires. Pet peeve. One of the many, that is.
yes! another blogger convert! =D
ReplyDeleteon a more serious note - Emotional purity is much harder than physical purity for me. Maybe because it happens more subtly. so yeah, I totally agree that it has to come from the heart.
Ya, I can identify. It also reminds me of Katherine had to learn in Fireproof.
ReplyDeletewas the book you read called "Emotional Purity" by Heather Paulsen?
to serfy: i agree. emotional purity is rarely addressed because i think it's a more complicated business. physical purity is staying out bed and keeping enough clothes on. emotional purity has to do with the heart, which is harder to put a finger on.
ReplyDeleteto becky: yes, yes it was! it was so hardcore, i couldn't put it down. i recommend it highly to anyone who has not read it.
ReplyDeleteGah. Blogger, How I hate thee. I actually prefer the Wordpress format over Blogger's.
ReplyDeleteDon't kill me for sounding sexist, but I think emotional purity is a much bigger problem for girls than for guys. For us guys, it's pretty easy to avoid getting attached to someone and spilling out our secrets. It's just our insensitive jerk gene. Or maybe I'm just alone in this. Because I've learned that setting clearly defined boundaries is a must whenever dealing with you girls, because it keeps off the guy/girl pressure, and it allows both parties to grow closer as friends without the intimacy of a "steady" relationship. There are definitely things I wouldn't tell my girl-friends that I would [have to] tell my wife, but that doesn't mean I can't have close friends who are girls. Also, we guys are responsible for a sister's heart. We need to keep girls accountable so that they don't regret their openness later.
Wordpress felt so formal, and I realized the format was actually making me not write the truth some of the time because i wanted my blog to look nice. Blogger has a more casual feel.
ReplyDeleteYes...emotional purity is specifically a girl thing. We're much more willing to give our hearts away, in the same way that one would throw something precious into a pit of wild animals and willingly watch as it is ripped to shreds.
*smiley face*